Bad Ass Gangsta Bitchizz

A “Sickpixie Productions” FILM
WRITTEN BY Nathalie Boltt

Tina and Tonia, the Notorious T'nT, are massive in Wellington. These sick-ass shorty rappers know how to get the club heaving. Skinny, white and tight, these hip hop ho's can flo' alright. Think Eminem. Now think Feminem. That's right yo. They're quite a team. Tina flaps her thin-lipped trap and Tonia slaps the decks like a red-haired step-child. They are wicky-wicky-wicked. It feels like there's nothing they can't do, especially after their neck-snapping win at the 2012 Hot Shit Rap Offs at Lower Hutt community centre, a victory so sweet they got themselves a second page photo in the Dom Post and, like, 250 friend requests.
So everything is sweet and T 'n T are hatching their plan to go global, when disaster strikes. Tina's mum and douche-bag step dad announce they are moving to Auckland. He's got a job at rehab - teaching Kung Fu to P-heads 'They've got the energy, but lack the focus' he tells her. Tina's like, 'whatevs', but can't exactly stay in Welly without the folks to skive off (she may be gangsta rough, but she still needs her middle-class perks), so she and Tonia head up with them. What the hell – why not see what's up in the big stink, maybe the next step in their red hot rap career. What's up there is Mizz Communication. A hard out she-gang made up of three bootilicious caramel-tinted babes who rap, hip and hop and booty pop T 'n T right under the table. Their queen bee, Moneesha, has a butt so bouncy-sweet as to make one think of the love child of Kim Kardashian and J-Lo after a cheeseburger binge. She's everything Tina isn't. And she's mean. Mean as.
Moneesha steals boyfriends, sabotages open mic sessions, fakes YouTube hits and fights dirty. She's done actual jail time and has tattoos in places most chicks don't even have places. The first time Moneesha comes face to face with Tina, she threatens to pop a cap in her ass - if only she could find it! Tina's so scared she pees her panties. But just a little.
What transpires is a roller-coaster ride of smack talkin', bitch-slappin', rap combattin', drag racin', shop-liftin' and pelvic grindin' that sees T 'n T take some real knocks, but clock up some bone fide street cred in the process. But it's only thanks to Tina's little bro, Mikey (who can see through all the testostrogen to enter a T 'n T track in a competition), that these two lanky honkeys finally hit the bling-time and send Mizz Communication running for the hills like pussies.
In the end, our wiggas say it loud: “I'm black and I'm proud!”. After all, it's not the colour of your skin but the rhythm within, yo.