The Donor

A “Dirty Pictures” FILM
WRITTEN BY Richard Cooke

Sure, it’s an unusual way to make ends meet, but Michael’s an unusual fellow. It’s more the aftermath of his actions, rather than the act itself however, that makes what he does unusual. There’s nothing odd or different about his technique. Similar pulling, stroking and shaking methods are used the world over, achieving pretty much the same result. What’s unusual is, instead of ending up in a crusty old sock under the bed, the fruits of Michael’s onanistic activity are deposited into a clean and sterilised jar. Also, unlike most men, Mr Michael Watson’s money shots are worth two hundred bucks a pop.

But if you’re thinking that the life of a semi-professional masturbator sounds great, think again. There’s the three-day period of abstinence prior to any donation, the lack of non-professional sexual activity you can afford to partake in, and most importantly, discussing your curious profession in public is to be avoided at all costs. It’s social suicide if you’re lucky; it’s murder if you’re not.